an early night

(The bomb thing was resolved peacefully. The guy was arrested, the bomb squad came and took the device away, the neighborhood opened back up. Best possible resolution.)

My piano teacher called - parent-teacher conferences are running long so she's coming tomorrow at 6. I THINK I can still get to Sherman and back but perhaps (womp womp) I cut out going antiquing and just make it a "necessary things" trip. Maybe I go to the Books A Million and just buy whatever appealing blindbag toys they have. Or to the JoAnn's and just spend time looking at the beads and stuff. Even not buying anything, for some reason, looking at the racks of beads or buttons soothes me.

(Reminder: get plain yogurt, you need to start carrying lunches again)

So I have sheets in the wash and as soon as they go in the dryer I am going to shower, and then change my sheets, and probably go to bed early. I might wind off the Lustra and have a go at swatching it, I don't know.

I'm tired. I suppose part of it is meetings - sitting in meetings, the "hurry up and wait" of it all makes me tired.

Our enrollment is up slightly but credit-hour production is down: more people are coming to school BUT they are taking fewer classes (more part-timers, more people who have to work). The budget is still uncertain because apparently the Legislature tried to pull an end-run by adding a $1.50 "fee" to a pack of cigarettes to make up for lost revenue and the state Supreme Court said that it was a tax, not a fee, and they didn't go through proper channels to establish the tax....so that (potential) revenue is gone, which may come back to bite US somehow.

Interesting how yesterday the campus president said "we won't have furlough days" and today he said, "I don't foresee us having furlough days." Maybe I'm reading too much into that and am too much a pessimist....

he also noted that that was the decision he lost the most sleep over in his career as our president. I would like to somewhat grumpily tell him that a lot of US lost a lot of sleep over the furlough days as well. I mean, I get that he didn't have a choice, but....that, as much as anything in my time here, has done more to "break" me and kill my remaining idealism.

And yeah, there haven't even been cost-of-living increases for several years. (I'm doing OK, financially, it's just...there's something symbolic about a lot of the things that go on and it's hard to keep on "going that extra mile" as we were exhorted to today when there's really....no....tangible....sign....that what we do is appreciated. I don't know if the administration and the regents realize just how tired some of us are, and how close the well is to empty for some of us....)

I dunno. I recognize a big part of this is (a) It's August and everything feels like a sweaty armpit, (b) the rain we have had has led to a spike in mold spores and mold makes my allergies make me feel depressed and (c) apprehension about the start of classes coupled with that weird "hanging around with not much to do" feeling

Part of the problem is also uncertainty. I don't deal well at all with uncertainty, with not knowing. As I said, I'm the kind of person who needs plans A, B, C, D, E, and F through Z and not knowing which plan I'm going to have to pull out bothers me. And not knowing what I might have to be bracing for bothers me. (Honestly? The worst time in the dentist's chair for me is when he's inspecting my teeth and "hmm"ing and "aaaah"ing, not when he's already said, "Well, you have a cavity you will need to get filled")

I'm telling myself nice clean sheets on the bed and going to bed and reading a mystery (instead of "Moby-Dick," just for tonight) will make me feel better and happier. (What I really need, I think, is a hug, but that's not going to be forthcoming, so....we beat on, boats against the current, or something.)