Thursday, August 17, 2017

Wednesday morning things

Another bad light last night. It was too much rushing around late. I got to looking at the instructions for the Heliopath Vest and the amounts of yarn and was like "waaaaaaiiiit...." and went and looked at the Lustro I had.

Five skeins. At 197 yards each. The pattern, to make the size fit me, calls for 5, 200-yard skeins (I am substituting yarn, but as the yarn used is a "grabby" sort of yarn, I don't think the Lustro will be bad for it).

But anyway. For about 10 minutes I thought I had bought too little yarn. And this was several years ago, I don't even know if Lustro is still being produced (let alone trying to get any in the same dye lot).

I didn't wind the yarn off (as I had been thinking of doing) because my mind went to "oh, you won't have enough, not even for the one-size-smaller than you'd been thinking of doing." And I thought, "maybe I'll just need to sell it on Ravelry" and felt very disappointed.

Then I thought, wait, maybe you bought more yarn and one skein got separated? And then I thought, you photographed that yarn for your blog, maybe you can look up the photo and count skeins.

While waiting for the computer to boot up and find the wifi, I dug back in that same container of yarn....and there it was.

Yeah, I have six skeins. Six times 197 is 1182, and the largest amount required for the size I might make is 1100 (I am going to have to measure myself wearing a  blouse I might wear under it and decide if the 41 3/4" size will be big enough or if I have to do the 45" size - that bigger size will probably be baggy but I don't want it to be too tight across the chest).

But of course, by then I was kind of upset and had been rushing around.

And then, after getting in bed, there were a couple power flickers, which led to my dehumidifier beeping. I don't know why - we didn't get storms until v. early this morning. But when I got up to check on the dehumidifier I realized its "clean the filter" light was on - which maybe was messing with it, I don't know. (The power flickers, if they were, weren't enough to reset my digital clock). So at 11:00 at night I was washing the stupid dehumidifier filter because then I was scared to run it with the dirty filter. (There have been too many news stories about houses that burned because of malfunctioning electrical appliances).

***

Am still kind of unhappy with the whole human race. Yes, "whole" is a pretty strong word and I still love the individual people I am around but....just any mass of humanity makes me suspicious these days.

the survivalist types say "avoid large crowds" (because crowds are what the bad guys target, even if the crowd themselves are "good guys") and I am beginning to think they are right. Also mobs of people just in general behave less-rationally, I think, than the average individual person.

And yes, I get that "loving" people in the agape sense doesn't mean putting up with their nonsense, and it means loving them DESPITE being frustrated with all of the things they do that are not good. But I get tired.

***

I also had a minor epiphany this morning.

You know that old Beach Boys song, "God only Knows" ("I may not always love you....but long as there are stars above you....")

When I was younger, I loved that song. I hoped that some day I would have someone in my life who would love me like that, where I was essentially the whole world to him, and to have that kind of meaning in someone's life.

As I got a little older, and learned more about humanity, I realized how absolutely rare that kind of love is....and that it was probably something I'd never get to have (and with each year that passes, it becomes less likely).

I realized this morning (after a chain of clicking made me listen to it again) that it would be kind of exhausting for me now to have someone who depended on me so much that he could literally not imagine how he'd live without me there....and yeah, maybe that level of dependence is a little creepy, I don't know, if you take it literally.

I get that the song is really late-teen/early-20s romanticism talking, but a grown-up person needs to depend on themselves and not be so welded to another person that they cannot envision life without them. (Because life is unpredictable - as my mother told me when I was a girl, "There are lots of good men out there but you cannot depend on one for your sole support" - she saw both her sisters lose two husbands apiece fairly young.)

I dunno, though. It does get hard sometimes being pretty much your sole emotional support. And it kind of stinks when you realize you're someone who's tried hard to take up so little "space" in people's live that you've effectively edited yourself out of them, and you wind up feeling like you don't matter that much to anyone.

***

I still tentatively plan to go to Sherman tomorrow. No idea how long the faculty meeting will last but I can't believe it will be more than 2 1/2 hours (it starts at 9).

I don't know. I need to go grocery shopping (there are certain things I really like that no local store carries - I have been relying heavily on Manischewitz brand "fine egg noodles" for a starch, they are the best egg noodles I've been able to buy around here, but the local stores only sell that "No Yolks" brand, which I do not like). I want to go antiquing but if I get off very late there won't be time to do everything, and also places will be crowded because it's Friday. I don't know. I'll have to see how I feel then and how late it is when I walk out of the meeting.

***

I think I'm also just cranky because my bad shoulder has been bothering me. I am taking today off from exercising because it was so bad last night. (I think this is that I broke the collarbone a few years back in a fall, didn't realize I had, and it healed a little funny and now I have arthritis or something there. And when I'm tense and when it's humid, that conspires to make the arthritis flare up. Periodically it will "pop" and sometimes that makes it stop hurting for a while)

Also, my hip bursitis is back a little bit. Again, I think it's the humidity that's doing it.

And I'm still afraid to take NSAIDS because I don't want to mess up my stomach again (and tylenol does nothing for me) so I just kind of tough it out. (It's also too hot to put a heating pad on the aching areas....)

***

One other thing - this came across Twitter and I admit I like it.

My own literal "neighborhood" is okay these days, save for one set of neighbors who like to play audio a bit louder than I'd choose, but if you think of "neighborhood" in the sense of Luke 10:29, yes, it works:





I feel that very much. (Or, again, as my mother said on more than one occasion: "I raised you kids to be too nice")

Mr. Rogers was great about teaching you to love your neighbors but I don't remember him ever covering what you do if you have to confront your neighbors over something they are doing that is wrong...


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